Best Educational Video

Created: 1 Jan 2016

Somewhat miraculously, our Psychology teacher assigned us a third and final narrative project, making all my dreams come true. I wrote the thing in under an hour, practically in a stream-of-consciousness.

The character of Nikki was taken from a Business and Personal Finance simulation project, where we had to put a character in a city and manage their schedule and cash inflow. Nikki was created to be the poorest, most miserable character possible.

The brief quip in this video about her being “
too deep in debt from the apartment rental bills and car lease”? Those were real things that happened, so I just cannibalised them into character lore. Even the line about Bram being going into the screenwriting industry was a reference to an early draft of a budgetary plan I made for the character.

I did have to abandon some of the running gags for this one, namely the absurd alliteration at the start, and the Mars Needs Moms joke at the end. but I think what replaced it was strong enough to draw attention away from that.

Now, why it took me a year to release this video is anyone’s guess.

As Nikki approached the large glass framed photograph, she felt absolute despair. The portrait hung crooked on the wall; her from all those years ago, actually enjoying life with her best friend Bram. Now she didn’t want to touch it, because that would mean touching her own hideous face.

The doctors had diagnosed her with what they called “Body Dismorphic Disorder,” simply meaning that she saw a distorted version of herself that others couldn’t imagine. She forced herself to continue looking at the portrait, despite her repulsion at it. It should have been a solitary beacon of hope in an otherwise dismal situation. Both the figures in the portrait were smiling and in good friendly spirits.

But the joke was on her: Both those figures had long since turned sour in her memory. She herself had become an ugly monstrosity, even her past retroactively made to suffer under the illusion. And Bram had long since abandoned her for prosperous prospects in the “screenwriting industry”.

The smile on her picture’s face seemed warped and elongated, like it shouldn’t fit. Her eyes were wildly different sizes, reminding her for the hundredth time of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. The phone rang. It was her mother. She hesitated, then answered it.

“Oh my god, an alien just broke into the bunker and killed your father. Listen, it won’t be long before they start showing up in your city, so please darling, get out of there. Go somewhere unpopulated out in the countryside. Just, do it for m-” And the phone line went dead.

Nikki understood her mother’s concerns regarding her choice in housing, but it was far too late. She was too deep in debt from the apartment rental bills and car lease. All she could do was go to work and carry on her miserable existence.

She donned her referee uniform and cap, heading for the door, but not before taking one last piteous, disgusted, look at the photo on the wall. “I miss you Bram.” she muttered. She walked down 37 flights of stairs and exited out the front of her apartment building, getting into her car and driving off to the wrestling stadium. As she drove, West Side City could just be made out on the horizon, being ransacked top to bottom by alien scavengers.

She arrived at the Kekan Memorial Wrestling Stadium with little time to spare, stepping out of her car and rushing past the swarm of sweaty fans to get inside, so she could referee the match. Her manager wasn’t mad, he simply told her to get out there so the match could start.

Her thoughts were elsewhere. They reflected all the worst of what had happened to her: Losing the battle with alcoholism. Losing many of her possessions to the IRS for accidental tax fraud. Losing her appearance to a worsening Somatoform Disorder… And losing a good friend… A low rumble built up within her.

BUT THE JOKE WAS ON HER. That rumble was actually an enormous object entering Earth’s atmosphere just nearby the stadium. With the unimaginable force of a quadruple-sized elephant, an alien ship came crashing at an angle through the roof of the stadium. “Ah man,” thought Nikki, “Not here. My job is toast now!” What would she do without pay? What would she do without a reason to get up in the morning?

But the “joke” was on her. Out of the ship crawled a baby with an M16 rifle. Nikki would have recognized that face anywhere. She’d seen it in a baby photo, shared in a moment of tenderness.

“Bram!” she cried in joy and relief, running over and picking him up like a sack of potatoes.“This isn’t quite what I imagined when you said "screenwriting industry.”

…Bram was literally speechless, but he gave a knowing look that said everything an infant couldn’t.

Both had had their share of psychological trauma, but now reunited, they could work together to heal not only their own ailments, but those of the planet Earth.

Interesting notes: This was read out loud, in its entirety, in front of the class.

I still got an A.

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